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Baby Matters

My One and Only

January 1st, 2015

By Delaine Dew

Families really do come in all shapes and sizes, and coming from a family of five, I always assumed I would end up with at least two kids; that seemed to be the typical starting point for families. In fact, when I was pregnant with my baby girl, I planned on getting pregnant again as soon as I possibly could after her birth, so that we could have two very close in age. However, it was not long after my wonderful baby girl was born in the spring of 2013 that my husband and I started to seriously re-think our plan for a family of three plus. We were so incredibly happy with our daughter and couldn’t imagine needing anything else.

I started to re-evaluate why I thought having more than one child was necessary, and it really came down to several erroneous conclusions such as, “it’s what you are supposed to do”, “every child needs a sibling”, and “it’s what is best for your child.” Hold on a moment – what about that is actually grounded in reality? The answer, I found, was not a whole lot.

I don’t want to have another child because it’s what you’re supposed to do, and I certainly don’t feel like siblings are a necessity. Most importantly, I think that what is best for your child is to have a loving and supportive family, no matter what size that may be. Becoming a mom is the most incredible thing that can happen to you, and figuring out what kind of mom you want to be, or need to be for your child, is a journey in itself.

I want to be able to give 100 per cent of myself to my daughter and I found that I just can’t fathom being able to stretch myself beyond that for another child and still be the kind of mom I want to be for my daughter. Now I am certainly not saying that moms of multiple children do not also give 100 per cent of their selves to all of their children, I am just saying that I can’t see that as being feasible for me. I believe I am a wonderful mom to my girl and she is so happy, curious and bright. Being able to provide her with a stable and loving environment is always going to be the best thing for her. That being said, in my experience, I still tend to brace myself for the inevitable question of, “When are you going to have another?” when chatting about my daughter because my answer isn’t always what people want or expect to hear. I have received various responses to my answer of, “You know, I think I am done. I am so happy with my little girl” such as, “Oh you’ll see, you’ll want another one” or “Why wouldn’t you want to give her a sibling?” Why should that be? I don’t want to mark everyone with a smelly felt here, but I think it would benefit to tone down the judgment in respect to family size and instead focus on how loving and caring the family is, how well adjusted the family members are and how genuinely happy everyone is. Being a mom of one allows me to be the best mom I can possibly be for my daughter. It might not be everyone’s choice or what some may feel is best, but for others it is and we need to respect that. If you are being the best mom you can possibly be, that is always going to be what is best for your child. 

Delaine is a mom to a beautiful little girl, a wife and lawyer in Edmonton, Alberta. She enjoys running, reading, watching bad TV with her husband and most importantly, being a mom. Delaine recently started a blog “Moms of 1” (www.momsof1.com) with a friend of hers and is having fun blogging and connecting with other moms.

Tags: Babies, Moms, planning

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