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Family Matters

The Power and Pain of ‘Inescapable Circumstance’

June 26th, 2013

Understanding Communication Inside the Family

By: Justin Hubert

A good friend of mine once talked to me about hunting, specifically about shooting a powerful weapon. He said that there were several checks a hunter would make before ‘pulling the trigger’ if the shot was into the ground, if anything else was in between them and the target, etc., because, one the trigger was pulled, once the power was released, you can’t get it back.

“Inescapable circumstance” is something I ran across a couple of months ago reading a book called the ‘Happiness Advantage’ the thought brought me a lot of clarity, even though every day I struggle with it in my own family. In essence these inescapable circumstances are relationships that would take a tremendous amount of energy to leave.

Brother, Sister, Mom, Dad, Husband Wife, Son, Daughter. Inside these relationships we say things and talk in such a way that at times is very alarming. Where do we get this freedom? In essence we get it from the safety of knowing these relationships will last.

Consider this idea: “If anyone else talked to your kids, or your partner the way you do when you are frustrated, would you be ok with that?

Consider this scenario: As a family you are late getting to the supper table, two of your children need to go to two separate things in 10 minutes; your mother in law is picking up one of the kids. Then, in getting sat down, the three-year old spills milk all over you. STRESS – but consider this, what if, in that exact scenario we exchange your three-year-old spilling milk, to your son’s friend from school? How do you speak to him?

Oddly, how we act and interact with the addition/exchange of just one person, changes the entire situation. Why?

Why, at times, do we treat other people’s children, better than we treat our own?

Why do we speak to our partner in a way we would never talk to our friend’s wife, or have them talk to our wives?

Why do we treat people at home, worse than we treat people we work with?

Inside here we find the power and the pain of Inescapable Circumstance, treat your son’s friend, or your secretary the wrong way, and they will never be back again (escapable circumstance). We can also see the pain we can endure inside the inescapable.

Interesting.

Once the trigger is pulled you can’t get the bullet back. And no amount of apology will ever take back words that are spoken. Parenting is stressful; try to be mindful of the future you are creating for yourself inside every moment. These closest  relationships are inescapable; your child will always be your child; will this be a relationship that continues to bring you a blessing? Are you positively speaking into your relationships each day? To be honest, I struggle with this, but it is helpful to remember – and as my friend said- “once the trigger is pulled you are responsible for the bullet.”

Justin Hubert - Husband, Dad, dreamer. Cultural Architect of www.heritagefamilyservices.com. Blogging words of wisdom on www.slv2all.blogspot.com.

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